Friday, February 05, 2010

Bittersweet

bit*ter*sweet

-refers to a combination: sweetness/bitterness
happiness/sadness
pleasure/pain

-A woody vine of the genus celastrus.

I LOVE the word bittersweet. It is the perfect word. Two seemingly opposite things, when combined, make for a greater, truer experience. I think of personal experiences that were bittersweet.

I love the sweet/ bitter (maybe tart) taste of a rhubarb cream pie. The happy/sad feeling when one of my daughters reaches a milestone (sad because she is growing up). The pleasure/pain that comes with running (running sucks, but the endorphins that are produced rock my world).

I'm not exactly sure when I fell in love with the word bittersweet. I do remember about 10 years ago, doing a book study on Charlotte's Web with a class of third and fourth graders. We were starting chapter VI "Summer Days" and it happened to be the first day of fall. I made note of this fact and said it felt bittersweet.

Not long after this event, I became pregnant with my first daughter. So began the name quest. Name origins, name meanings, family names... My middle name, Marie, is also the middle name of my mom's identical twin sister. Like my mom, my aunt goes by her middle name. Marie was certainly in the running.

Then came the day I discovered the meaning. I find Marie in the baby name book and discover it is a variation of the name Mary. I excitedly go a few pages farther and find what I'm looking for...only it is the exact opposite of what I expected.

When I think of the name Mary, I immediately thought of Jesus' mother. I don't know why exactly, maybe she's the most famous Mary in my mind? I though Mary would mean something like, "virginal and sweet". Only it doesn't. Not even close. I was horrified to read one word and one word only in its definition. Bitter. Bitter? Does this mean I'm bitter? Because I'm most certainly NOT bitter. What an awful name! Who would ever bestow such a name on an innocent baby? My mother and grandmother obviously!

I think about my whole name, Kimberly Marie. Kimberly is a place name and means "meadow". This suits me perfectly. Meadow/ bitter? I wasn't sure what to think of that. I decided to hold on to the Kimberly part and ignore the Mary/Marie part. It still bothered me though.

Then one day, I was speaking on the phone with my friend Timothy. At this time I was pregnant with my second daughter, and Timothy's wife was pregnant with their third daughter. We discussed names and I was alarmed to hear that they were considering a unique variation of the name Mary. I quickly explained to Timothy that this was not a good idea. "Mary means BITTER!" He calmly explains that he already knows this. He continues by saying that he interprets bitter to not necessarily be a personality trait. He said bitter, " can also be a flavor." "A flavor?", I say. "Yes, like a plant with a bitter taste."

Suddenly bitter didn't seem so bitter to me. I could live with this version of bitter. Bitter flavored plants grow in a meadow (Kimberly Marie). Now the meaning of my name was acceptable and pleasant, not bitter at all.

The search for and understanding of the meaning of my name was a bittersweet experience. I think moments like this resonate a little deeper. These bittersweet events and happenings make life a little richer. A little fuller. While I fully embrace my name and all that goes with it, I chose not to pass it on to my little generation of daughters. Other family names with exciting meanings are what my daughters will one day, I hope, discover, embrace, and celebrate.



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